We’ve all heard about people getting cold feet before their wedding day, but when it happens to us personally, it can be a very confusing time. Here, in this article, we look at the signs that you are not sure whether you want to get married or not.
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Remember, that just because you are not sure if you want to get married or not, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t or you can’t. It just may mean that you need to talk things through with your partner at length or sort through some other issues in your life that are making you question your relationship. It is very common to get cold feet before your wedding. While you shouldn't ignore your nerves, don’t always give in to them either if you think you have a relationship worth fighting for.
7 Signs That You May Be Suffering From Cold Feet Wedding
Here are 7 key signs that any nerves you are suffering from could be cold feet about your impending marriage. You only need to be exhibiting one or two of them to be having some worries about the way your relationship is going. Remember to talk through your worries with your partner. It is only when you talk to one another that you will come to any resolution.
1. You dream of being with someone else
Perhaps the biggest sign that your relationship is not what you want it to be before your marriage vows is if you are dreaming of being with someone else. It doesn’t always have to be a specific person, it can simply be someone that you imagine. However, whoever it is that you are dreaming of being with, if it is anyone other than your partner, it could be that you are having second thoughts about marriage in general.
Those second thoughts could be down to the fact that you are scared of the commitment behind marriage itself, or it could be that you are simply not as into marrying the person you are engaged to. Either way, it is crucial to talk to your partner about your worries.
2. You don’t want to do any wedding planning
If you don’t want to do any wedding planning, it could be that your nerves are getting the better of you and that the thought of walking down the aisle is scaring you. There could be a million reasons for this. It could be that the planning itself is getting on top of you and that you don’t want to do it anymore. Family members can sometimes get involved, making what should be a pleasurable experience into one full of family politics. Sometimes, just the sheer amount of what needs to be organized can be overwhelming too.
Or, again, it could be that you are having doubts about the relationship you are in. Either way, you need to talk it through with your partner to get the support you need.
3. You keep thinking of relationship problems
One of the reasons that people get cold feet before a wedding is that the stress of organizing the big day can bring out bigger issues between the happy couple. This is very common and actually it should be seen as a positive. It gives you the opportunity to resolve problems before you get married when issues can fester and become bigger than they need to be. Talk to your partner about whatever problems you think there are between the two of you. It will make your life a lot easier, in the long run, the sooner you sort the sources for the contention that you both have.
4. You don’t want your life to change
Another of the big reasons that people get cold feet before marriage is the fact that they are actually pretty happy with how their life is at that moment in time. As a result, people get afraid of getting married, fearing that it could seismically shift something in their relationship causing more trouble than it's worth. This is crucial to discuss with your fiance as it could be a worry or doubt that they have too. Also, they are the only person that will be able to give you reassurance as to whether your life will materially change or not.
5. You are happy with how things are
Relationships can change when marriage is involved. For many reasons, people and their dynamics can alter once they have walked down the aisle. You could be getting cold feet because you don’t want this to happen between your partner and you.
You are most likely so in love that you don’t want to put that love in danger of being ruined simply by doing something that you are unsure of doing. If you feel like you are happy with how things are, raise this with your other half. They will hopefully put your mind at ease as to why you are both getting married in the first place.
6. You have high anxiety
A huge sign that indicates you have cold feet prior to getting married is suffering from high anxiety in all other aspects of your life. The stress or organizing the big day as well as the pressure of getting married at all can mean you find it difficult to cope elsewhere.
If you find that you are anxious in situations that wouldn’t ordinarily concern you, you could be exhibiting stress coming from worry about getting married. This is something that you can talk through with a good friend as well as your partner. Your partner is still best, but a good friend should hopefully be able to put your mind at rest particularly when you are anxious elsewhere in your life.
7. You don’t want to spend time with your partner
Not wanting to spend time with your other half is a clear signal that you are stressed and worried about your upcoming vows. Sadly, this behavior makes the problem worse because you are not giving yourself the ability to talk through your anxieties with your fiance. Remember that a relationship is a two-way street so trying to ignore your other half is not the best way to sort through your issues. You need to talk to one another to work through problems - this is key before and after you get married.
FAQs
Is it normal to have cold feet before the wedding?
It is very normal to have cold feet about wedding days and getting married. It is a huge life change that you are about to undertake and sometimes it can get on top of us all. The instinct to flee, which comes out as cold feet, can be overwhelming at times. Think through your worries and a way to work them out.
Is it normal to get cold feet in a relationship?
Most couples will have cold feet in a long term relationship at some point. Two people growing old together is a lovely idea, but it takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Sometimes two people simply grow apart as they change with age and what life throws at them.
What do I do if my fiance has cold feet?
If your fiancé has cold feet it is a good idea to sit down, one on one, and talk through things and why marriage no longer appeals to him or her. It could simply be pre-wedding jitters or something a lot bigger. However, you won’t know unless you sit down with each other to discuss it.
Is it OK to have doubts about getting married?
It may sound odd, but having doubts about getting married is actually a good thing. It means you are taking on board just how important marriage is. Plus some pre-wedding day nerves are good for a couple but do talk your doubts through too.
What is cold feet a sign of?
Cold feet can be a sign of simple pre-wedding jitters, but it can also be a sign of something more serious. If you are getting cold feet, think about what it is that is making you nervous and making you question whether you should get married or not. Then, talk those thoughts through with your partner.
What Wedding Cold Feet Mean? - Conclusion
Getting cold feet before your wedding is very common. It can mean a variety of things - either your own individual issues with commitment, how you deal with the stress of organizing a wedding, or sometimes larger issues with your relationship itself.
Whatever it is, it is imperative you talk it through with your partner. He or she is the only one that will be able to give you the reassurance, help, or support you need to get through the pre-wedding jitters. It is also good for the respect and balance of your relationship. Opening up the lines of communication to let each other know how you are feeling is fundamental to a long term relationship being a loving and happy one.
Olivia Surtees
After realizing I was the person that everyone around me always came to for dating advice, I decided to merge this skill with my profession – writing. So, I came about to be a relationship advice writer! Being able to show not only my passion for writing, but also my passion to help others in their relationships, means the absolute world to me and I hope to continue doing so. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience.
FAQs
Is it normal to have serious doubts before getting married? ›
Whatever the reason for your pre-wedding jitters, know that this is entirely normal: Many people have some level of cold feet before their wedding. But just because it's normal doesn't mean you can ignore these feelings; it's important to deal with them before you walk down the aisle.
Is it normal to have doubts right after getting married? ›Having doubts about marriage is normal, especially with the kind of world we have today. The rate of divorce, spousal murder, domestic violence, infidelity, and more are at their highest. You want to know that you're hitching yourself to someone who's going to make the forever journey worth it.
Is it cold feet or doubts? ›Cold feet is a phrase that refers to a person not going through with an action, particularly one which requires long term commitment, due to fear, uncertainty, and doubt.
Why am I getting cold feet about marriage? ›Simply put, cold feet is usually a reaction to stress. The engagement period isn't always smooth sailing when you're deep in the wedding planning trenches. Prewedding stress can make you more irritable, impatient and easily annoyed.
What is the most common reason for marriage breakdown? ›Marital Infidelity
More often than not, however, an extramarital affair is cause for hurt feelings, broken trust, and potentially irreconcilable differences. It is no surprise, then, that marital infidelity is a leading cause of divorce.
- You start bickering more often. ...
- You find you are no longer sharing the “little things” ...
- You think “what if you married someone else” ...
- Your fights escalate into shouting matches. ...
- You find excuses not to spend as much time together. ...
- You look for distractions. ...
- You show signs of impatience with one another.
Tell them how you feel and tell them too why you're experiencing cold feet. Pay special attention to any major issues that might indicate an insurmountable problem. Don't hesitate because you don't want to hurt them, or you don't want to admit the truth. The best thing for both of you is to be honest with one another.
How do you use get cold feet in a sentence? ›to feel too frightened to do something that you had planned to do: I was going to try bungee jumping, but I got cold feet.
What is cold feet metaphor? ›: apprehension or doubt strong enough to prevent a planned course of action.
What percentage of brides get cold feet? ›Then the study's researchers polled those couples every six months over the course of the first four years of their marriage. Researchers found a whopping 85 percent of couples experienced some form of cold feet before getting married — whether from the man, the woman or both.
Is it normal to feel depressed before getting married? ›
In fact, pre-wedding blues are more common than you'd think. Weddings can bring extra pressure, family tension, financial worries, and an endless to-do list. Planning one doesn't always make you happy and can indeed feel extremely lonely. We need to look after our mental health during the wedding planning process.
Is it normal to have doubts before proposing? ›It's totally normal to feel a little nervous about any big life decision, and getting engaged and getting married certainly fall into that category. Remember that a few nerves and butterflies make total sense and you shouldn't beat yourself up for them or question whether you're ready.
What is the number one thing that destroys a marriage? ›Using Power and Control. This is by far the most destructive force any human can bring to a marital relationship, and obviously includes the use of physical and sexual abuse or violence.
At what stage do most marriages fail? ›After all, almost 50% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8.
What age do most marriages break up? ›The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old. 24. 60 percent of all divorces involve individuals aged 25 to 39.
How do you know if a married woman is unhappy in her marriage? ›- She stops wanting to have sex. ...
- She shuts down because she doesn't feel heard. ...
- She stops taking care of herself. ...
- She starts talking to male friends instead of her husband. ...
- She starts drinking more heavily. ...
- She starts having physical ailments.
- You don't feel a strong, deep, meaningful connection. ...
- You feel exhausted by the relationship. ...
- You are the only one who ever apologizes. ...
- You're the only one who sacrifices or gives. ...
- You make all the plans. ...
- You make a lot of excuses for your partner's behavior. ...
- You are the “big decision maker”
When a marriage is unhealthy, issues of control are usually evident. Finances are an easy weapon of control. One partner starts deciding how money is spent and how much the other spouse can spend. Control can also spill over into areas like friendships and outside activities.
Can emotional stress cause cold feet? ›Cold Feet. Cold feet aren't only an expression of doubt. It's a commonly experienced symptom of stress. Poor blood circulation to your feet and ankles can trigger the effects of the “fight or flight” response, also known as hyperarousal or acute stress response.
When should you call off a wedding? ›Luterman says abuse, whether sexual, financial, emotional or verbal, is automatic grounds for canceling a wedding. Similarly, if your partner is secretive about their finances, do not marry them, she says. Same thing goes for a partner who puts you down or denies affection without being willing to work on it.
Why do I feel like not getting married? ›
You feel marriage comes with too many rules and expectations. There are expectations that come with marriage that may push people to not want to get married. There are some antiquated and problematic tropes that come with getting married, akin to your sex life declining or your freedom being limited.
What is the synonym of the phrase having cold feet? ›synonyms for have cold feet
anxious. apprehensive. frightened. nervous. scared.
To become discourteous
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DANIEL ENGBER (Slate): The Oxford English Dictionary attributes the earliest usage of cold feet in this sense to the writer and poet Stephen Crane. In the 1896 edition of "Maggie: A Girl of the Streets," Crane writes: `I knew this was the way it would be. They got cold feet. ' That is they lost courage or enthusiasm.
Do people have doubts about getting married? ›Yes, it can be totally okay to have some doubts before your wedding. Here's what's normal and what's not. It's a magical moment when you decide to spend the rest of your life together. At first, visions of your wedding, or your side-by-side rocking chairs pop into your mind.
Is it normal to be confused before marriage? ›If you at any point feel that you are not satisfied with your decision to tie the knot and have doubts, then address those doubts and be vocal about them. Tell yourself that it is normal to feel this way and these are just nerves that will eventually go away.
Why do I feel hesitant to get married? ›Eight reasons you might have anxiety about getting married
In getting married, you give away the independence you've known all your life. You have fears about marriage. Fears that you came by honestly. You have relationship anxiety or relationship OCD.